"You're Gonna Be Fine"
My latest anxiety coping strategy is brought to you by Comedian Bill Burr
In addition to bipolar disorder, I (am forced to) deal with generalized anxiety disorder. Now that my bipolar is well-treated with medication, regular therapy, and having a Wellness Recovery Action Plan, it’s no longer much of a problem.
My biggest problem remains my anxiety. No matter how much medication I take, it doesn’t touch it, which means I need to lean on a series of coping skills (womp, womp). Just so you can see how much of a pain in the ass my life is and I am, here are some examples:
Preparing for everything ahead of time. EV.ERY.THING. The traffic, the train schedules, the parking situation, the atmosphere of the restaurant (Is it too crowded? Is it too open concept, leading to much more noise? Do they have specified gluten free options on the menu so I feel safe eating there? Do we have a reservation? Have we purchased tickets in advance and do we have them on us? Do I have an easy out in case things become stressful for me? Do I have my noise-canceling headphones on me so I can slip them on in a noisy environment, like the grocery store or mall? Is this an atmosphere where people tend to drink a lot? Will this part of the evening be done in time for the next thing? What time does the event begin and is there wiggle room about getting there 15 minutes late or so?) Etcetera. All of this can help me prevent a panic attack, which is harder to stop in the moment.
Box breathing. This really helps if I’m having a panic attack or about to have one. I imagine it can also help you prepare for something stressful.
Avoiding people who are incredibly stressful for me. This is pretty rare, but I’ve had two people in my life who were incredibly stressful to be around and in touch with. I’m talking really toxic, emotionally abusive stuff that made me feel like absolute shit when I was just trying to help them. My husband said that dealing with these folks alone almost threw me into another mental health crisis. After boundaries were crossed time and again, I finally decided, fuck these people, I’m done. And my mental health has been great since then.
Meditation. I don’t do this enough, but when I do, it’s very helpful. If I don’t feel like meditating, I’ll often listen to a pleasant soundscape on Spotify, YouTube, or the Calm app. I usually go for ocean sounds, since they remind me of vacationing by the sea as a child and being in a relaxing environment. Some folks find meditation really hard because of racing thoughts or they think they’re doing it wrong. I dealt with the former in the beginning and now do a lot better while meditating. I often remind people that it’s called a practice for a reason: It takes practice.
Avoiding too much coffee. Womp womp. Also, I learned in a behavioral health partial program that coffee has a half life of 8 hours and you generally shouldn’t drink it after 2 p.m.
Checking the contents of my bag before leaving the house. It also helps to have things in the same place so I don’t freak out. My work keys and badge are always in the front pocket of my backpack. My notebook, headphones, and lunch/snacks are in the main pocket. I check any luggage I’m taking on a trip at least 3 times.
Remind myself that other people aren’t obsessing over how I behave. Look, I can be awkward. Which means that I replay situations where I didn’t act perfectly over and over in my head, embarrassed to exist. But usually when I ask people about it later, they’re like, “What?” I’ve also realized that asking makes me seem even more awkward. I can’t remember which portion of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) covered this, but it ain’t all about you, bub. People are a lot more focused on their own shit.
Which brings me to my latest anxiety coping mechanism, which I call, “Don’t worry about it until you have to worry about it.” I’m stuck in traffic? I’m not going to worry about it until I’m running late for a meeting, which I can always email my coworkers about, all of whom are very understanding. I had a medical procedure done and I’m dreading the medical bill? I’m not going to worry about it until I actually receive that medical bill. Maybe my health insurance covered it all. I think I accidentally ingested gluten, which I’m allergic to? I’m not going to worry about it until I begin feeling ill.
I facilitate a family group for the psychiatric hospital I work at, where the worry factor is especially prevalent, especially for parents. So often, loved ones who come to my group worry about their spouse/partner/child/sibling/parent returning to school or their job, getting a job, finding an apartment, and connecting with friends after a mental health crisis and hospitalization. In the following weeks, we usually receive good news from the family member that everything turned out to be fine.
One family member recently shared that another family program taught her to “enjoy the good.” If things are going fine with your loved one at the moment, just enjoy it! Don’t worry until you have to. You never know when things could get worse (if they get worse), so enjoy where your loved one is at right now.
All of this reminded me of a short video I recently came across with Comedian Bill Burr, where he tells people, “You’re gonna be fine” and to not ruin what’s happening right now by worrying about it. I’ve been sharing it with everybody at the hospital and beyond because it reminds me of my strategy of, “Don’t worry about it until you have to worry about it.”
You’re gonna be fine. We’re all gonna be fine. There are some situations where we’re not gonna be fine, but a lot of us have been able to survive those times. Worrying can be hard on our hearts. It’s better to worry about things only when we need to.
Be well, my friends.